I really need help coming up with boundaries for when my baby is here. I live in a state where majority of my husbands family lives here and the in laws have ZERO boundaries and don’t understand when we set our own. This baby is our first and she’s arriving in January and I’m panicking because of rsv and how to set boundaries.
WeMoms
2 Apr 2024
Creating Family Boundaries
Family boundaries: can they be smooth?
Establishing boundaries, rules, and a family moral code of conduct is essential in creating a harmonious and nurturing environment for the entire family.
These guidelines provide a clear sense of direction and belonging, helping children understand expectations and consequences.
When discussing these rules, it's essential to communicate openly with your children, involve them in the process, and ensure consistency in enforcing the consequences.
Here's a closer look at how to create effective family boundaries and the significance of following through on the consequences.
The Power of Boundaries and Family Rules
- Setting Expectations: Family boundaries and rules set clear expectations for behavior, responsibilities, and values within the household.
- Building Trust: When everyone in the family knows and abides by the established guidelines, it fosters trust and mutual respect.
- Promoting Responsibility: Rules can encourage accountability and teach children the consequences of their actions.
- Creating a Safe Environment: Knowing the boundaries allows children to feel safe and secure in their family environment.
Involving Children in Rule-Setting
- Family Meeting: Hold a family meeting to discuss and create the rules together. Encourage everyone to share their thoughts and opinions.
- Age-Appropriate Rules: Tailor the rules to suit the age and maturity level of each child. Younger children may require simpler rules, while older ones can handle more complex expectations.
- Mutual Agreement: Ensure that the rules are agreed upon by all family members to promote a sense of ownership and commitment.
Enforcing Consequences with Certainty
- Clear Communication: Explain the consequences that will follow if a rule is broken, and make sure children understand them fully.
- Consistency is Key: Consistently follow through on the consequences when a rule is violated. This reinforces the importance of adhering to the rules.
- Teaching Opportunity: Use consequences as teaching moments to help children understand the impact of their actions and learn from their mistakes.
- Positive Reinforcement: Alongside consequences for misbehavior, remember to recognize and praise positive behavior and achievements.
Family Moral Code of Conduct
- Shared Values: Define a set of core values that your family holds dear, such as honesty, kindness, respect, or empathy.
- Lead by Example: Demonstrate these values through your actions, as children often learn best by observing their parents' behavior.
- Discuss Real-Life Scenarios: Engage in conversations about real-life situations where these values can be put into practice
Before introducing the rules to your children, make sure you have discussed them with your partner.
The most important thing is to appear stable and united in front of your child. So, ensure that every parent agrees with the rules to avoid any disputes in front of the children.
This is crucial as it can completely undermine your authority. You may also want to ensure that everyone in the family respects them, including grandparents.
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Cheyenne
17 Jul 2023
Hi mommas, can I have examples of your rules and boundaries you set when introducing your newborns to the family? I want to make a post to share with my family before my baby boy arrives. I know absolutely no kissing, washing hands, also my doctor recommended family get there tdap shot updated if they haven’t. I want to say it in the nicest way possible, even though I still will probably offend some.
Sara
I dont allow any visitors at hospital. That is the only time you and dad will get where people are not trying to take baby, it's the most precious bonding time.
Call before you come, do not just show up.
Wash hands
No smoking around child
No kissing
27 Mar 2024
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Liliana
Definitely no visitors at the hospital. I can agree with that one. I always just felt too exhausted and just being in a different environment made me not want anyone around. You're still trying to recover and just get back to some kind of normalcy. And having to deal with others is kinda blah lol.
Definitely the washing of hands and I had sanitizer wipes as well.
No kissing at all. Big on that one.
But usually other than that it's not too serious for me. And you've basically got it all down.
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Makayla
5 Jul 2023
How are y’all telling your families the boundaries you want to set? Especially with your partners family
TaLina
Never had a problem with my ex's family. But my current partner is setting his own boundaries. His mom is not allowed to see the baby if she can't pass a drug test.
27 Mar 2024
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Nina
My side of the family… straight like dat !!!!!
For my BD side… chileeee 🙄
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Just A Woman With No
30 May 2023
How do you guys explain boundaries to family members, when they may not always see your reason for the decisions you make?
Terra
You have to be firm and stand your ground. It’s about you and your babies . They have to respect that. Explain and out out there the things that bother you. Your likes and dislikes. And if they don’t respect your decisions. They NEVER will. So consider cutting people off.
27 Mar 2024
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Terra
Oh and I’d love to be friends! Dm me if you’d like !
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Danielle
18 Apr 2023
i feeeel relieved. after dealing with my fiancés toxic mother, i finally stood my ground and spoke up to him about her not being welcomed at our house and her not being allowed to see our child. after all, she did say she didn't want anything to do with me or my family, i hope she knows when she said that, it means the baby as well because the baby is a part of me and my family. i tried with her plenty of times yet i still got disrespected. i'm done. i'm putting my family i'm creating first. it's unfortunate because i wanted her to be apart of my child's life but she wants to act the way she does, there are going to be boundaries and she's going to have to accept that! it's ridiculous. i can't be dealing with any unnecessary drama and being disrespected especially during this pregnancy
Stacey
You can have my mil as well 😒
27 Mar 2024
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Amber
That’s how it is w my brothers wife. Me an him used to be best friends before she came along.
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Maya
27 Aug 2022
So I have a 3 yr old from a previous relationship and now pregnant with my second child from my current partner. How do I make boundaries with my 3 year olds family everyone is telling me I’m to lenient and need to put up a wall.
helen
You don't need to listen to everyone you need to do what you know is best your the momma
27 Mar 2024
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Ellonda
Do YOU feel you're too lenient? Just because other ppl tell you you're not right, doesn't make you wrong. If you have a good relationship then why change. Otherwise, be honest and direct, explain what you need
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Mercedes
30 May 2022
Hey moms! I’m 21 weeks pregnant and starting to wonder how I am supposed to set boundaries with my family without sounding too rude?? I have rules and boundaries that I am 100% set in but I don’t want to sounds mean when I tell people #21weeks #babygirl #boundaries
Olivia💕
my MIL wants to come for my birth but I don’t wanna have anyone around me for at least a week so my husband and I can have some baby time before having people come and crowd. I talked to her today and she made it very clear that she’s not gonna stay away
27 Mar 2024
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Mercedes
That’s exactly what I was telling my husband. I want time for us to bond as a family. His mom wants to be there and I know she’ll be mad but at the end of the day it’s my baby not hers, I just don’t want to ruin the relationship I have with her but I also need to think about me
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